Night

I lay awake watching the moon this morning. No stars. One of those nights when all you can see is darkness and the tentative light of the moon.

Looking around my room it seems strange that I can see more stars inside then out. The glowing stars on my ceiling appear fuzzy and look like they are moving as they fade into plastic once more.

I touch the star on my neck. For a second I can not remember where the second, older star was left--and then I recall shoving it into the pocket of my favourite jeans. The jeans with grass stains and dirt pressed into them from a night in the forest, and with wax near the knee that reminds me of when I was physically connected with two people whom I love. One that I know well (maybe better than myself) and one that I am just getting to know and more likely than not will never fully know. I am glad that the first and older star is with my favourite, well worn jeans.

A month ago that star never left my neck but now the newer star replaces it. I am not ready to completely give up the old star or the person who wore it, but I know longer need to keep it so near to my skin. They can stay shoved into the back pocket of my old jeans until I need to pull them out again and feel the comfort of a time that isn’t real anymore.

This new star is lighter than the old star--if my hand didn’t automatically touch it so often I could forget it was there. Like I do with the four silver rings on my fingers--the only time I notice them is when I do not wear them.

I realize my new star is the only jewellery that I wear that is not from the same store. I think about whether I like this or not and decide that I do.

The old star is a reminder of the past and the new one is the promise a future and of a change.
The moon is still glowing and I hope it’s going to be one of those days when you can still see it because the sky is so clear. I always find it reassuring that, even though the sun is shining, the night is still lurking, merely disguising itself in tones of silver and white to compliment the blues and yellows of day.